All day I sit in a room full of idiots and stare at a computer screen. The idiots talk and talk, and I just sit there thinking about how much more fun getting high used to be, and wishing I could take xanax every day without having to worry about it. I've lost 50K on my way to quitting gambling. I'm seriously addicted to Diet Coke. My posture is horrible and getting worse. My down key is broken.

I sit in traffic for hours every day. I go to bed before I'm tired. Sometimes I go to bars. If there's a dance floor, I walk through it. With strangers, I go one or two jokes before I lose my balance. I have a sexy Hungarian neighbor - I'm sure she thinks I'm a gay loser. My parents love me too much. I love them too, but the truth is, they rarely have any new information. My grandparents keep getting older while I'm away; surely they'll be very old soon. I still wear the same shit. I'll never have a six-pack. When's the last time I played basketball? I miss Liam's Rhymes. The Actual Clown Act is getting old, do you see why?