Jimmy Chen – How I Spent New Year's Eve
I got a bratwurst sausage "to go" and ate it with two glasses of wine while watching news about the fiscal cliff, then steeped a cup of herbal tea and drank it while watching Teeth, a movie about a girl with teeth in her hootchy (vagina dentata) that she uses to chew up/off dudes' dongs, which was a great movie and made me squirm, then I Google-imaged the actress looking for wank material, then I considered going to "a thing" I was invited to but didn't because it would have involved a $12 cover, cigarette smoke, that depressing platonic champagne toast at 12:00 a.m. and its 12:01 a.m. invariable disappointment, so I just watched the 1st 3 episodes of Ali G. show on DVD, took a shower, and watched MTV's countdown from 11:47 p.m. to 12:00 a.m., and sort of clapped by myself at 12:00 a.m. while considering the absurdity that this was recorded 'live' 3 hours ago on EST, then felt sort of sad that I was alone, that there was no one to kiss, save the 3000 x 6200 resolution lips of Riley Reid, who had been staring at me in an unblinking .jpeg, and whose semblance I had to "wake up" every time my MacBook Air went to "sleep" in a black gentle mini-suicide I always envied. Some Hispanic neighbors lit illegal fireworks too late, as those kinds of people are often late, the sky shed orange yawns or cries of falling light, a dog barked, a booty call parked, Ke$ha was auto-tuned on stage, Carson Daly held in a fart, my mom left a voice mail full of good wishes and worry, which hurt my heart with love, the serrated edge of my feelings retracted through my ribs, and the world was in order.
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