Fight Club (Ikea Porn) Lyrics

INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jack, fully clothed, lies on top of his bed, holding a cordless phone to his ear. He stares at the ceiling and swats at a fly.

JACK (V.O.); So, once again, I couldn't sleep.

Jack hears something on the phone. He sits up.

JACK: I've been holding for thirty minutes.

Spread all over the floor by Jack's feet are INVOICES for CREDIT CARDS.

JACK: Yes, that's right. Yes, but I transferred part of my balance to my Visa to get the lower rate. Oh, wait. No, it wasn't your Visa. Okay, I transferred all of the MasterCard... to ... Look, can I just come down in person? I live here -- in Wilmington. Yes, all my credit cards have main headquarters here. No? Why not? Why can't I speak to an account rep? No, wait, don't put me on-

Jack reacts to being put on hold.

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jack sits on the toilet. He digs through a magazine rack. IKEA
Catalogues, Pottery Barn catalogues and more of the kind. Jack opens An IKEA catalog and flips through it.


JACK (V.O.): I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct. If I saw something like the clever Njurunda coffee tables in the shape of a lime green Yin and an orange Yang-

Move in on PHOTO of the tables.

CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Completely EMPTY.

JACK (V.O.): I had to have it.

The Njurunda tables APPEAR.

INSERT - PHOTO OF SOFAS

JACK (V.O.): The Haparanda sofa group ...

INT. JACK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The sofa group APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): ...with the orange slip covers by Erika Pekkari. The Johanneshov Armchair in the Strinne green stripe pattern.

The armchair APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Rislampa/Har lamps from wire and environmentally-friendly unbleached paper.

The lamp APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Vild hall clock of galvanized steel.
The clock APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Klipsk shelving unit.

The shelving unit APPEARS.

INT. BATHROOM - RESUMING

Jack flips the page of the catalog to reveal a full-page photo of an entire kitchen and dining room set.

JACK (V.O.): I would flip and wonder, "What kind of dining room set *defines* me as A person?"

Jack drops the catalog down, open to this spread. PAN OVER to the Magazine stack -- there's an old, tattered PLAYBOY.

JACK (V.O.): It used to be Playboys; now -- IKEA.

INT. JACK'S KITCHEN AND DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

-Looking exactly like the photo in the catalog. Jack walks in with the cordless phone still glued to his ear.

JACK: I want to transfer my balance to get a lower interest rate.

Jack looks over the whole kitchen, dining room, and the living room beyond.

JACK (V.O.): The things you own, they end up owning you.
Jack opens a cabinet, takes out a plate.

JACK (V.O.): My hand-blown green glass dishes with the tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of wherever.

He rummages through the refrigerator. It's practically empty. Jack takes out a jar of mustard, opens it and uses a butter knife to eat it.

INT. BEDROOM - LATER

Jack lies on the bed, phone still at his ear.

JACK: I want to talk to a live person.

Jack reacts, listens, impatiently punches a single number; waits, listens, punches another single number; listens. He rolls over, looks at one of the bills on the floor and punches an entire credit card number.

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About

Genius Annotation

Haven’t we all, every once in a while, just happened to stumble upon an Ikea catalogue, and thought, “Wow, wouldn’t that be nice…oh, and that too…mmm, and that, oh yes, and that, and that–yes, yes, yes!” And then you realized you’ve climaxed.

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Credits
Featuring
Release Date
October 15, 1999
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